How to Fail Spectacularly at Your Next Race!

All these tips have been personally tried and tested by yours truly. I’ve been stupid so you don’t have to be! The sacrifices I make for my lovely readers! 😉 Honestly, I have committed to a bunch of races coming up, but haven’t committed myself enough to my training. Writing this post helped!

Lighten your load to go faster: Ditch the water bottles! I once went on a training run while on vacation in Phoenix. Trust me, my mom didn’t mind at all driving around frantically looking for me after my distress call for water halfway through. Then there was that time during a 20k trail race when the sloosh, sloosh, sloosh of my water bottle was super annoying. It was pretty early on when I dumped it out. Sure, I spent way too long at the aid station and the last half of my race was miserable, but think how much worse it would’ve been with that awful slooshing racket.
Treat yourself to a brand new pair of running shoes right before the race. You’ve earned it! My first big run after having my last baby I did just this. I had been training in this grungy old pair, and when I happened upon these shoes while shopping one day their flashy neon and new-shoe-smell was irresistible. No regrets. I’m sure the massive blister on the inside of my foot that ruined the experience of that race for me was unrelated.
Breakfast Schmeakfast. I’m not a breakfast person, why should this morning be any different? After all, you’re not supposed to do anything differently race day, right? I can totally sustain a 25k run up this mountain on the few energy gels I’ve stuffed into these tiny running tights pockets and a handful of m&m’s from the aid station.
Brrr…it’s a little chilly out there. Better bundle up. I know they say to dress like it’s 10 degrees warmer, but we have to wait at the starting line for a bit beforehand and I don’t want to be cold. I can tie this sweater around my waist if I get warm once we start. I’m sure it won’t bother me at all.
Unless you’re wearing short shorts, don’t worry about lubbing up. That straight jacket of a sport’s bra probably won’t rub too badly.
If you forget to charge your ipod, and/or don’t organize a playlist beforehand it’s not that big a deal. Hmm..maybe not the worst thing you can do, but it sure would bug me. One time I was running a race with my sister and her phone was dead before we ever got started. Like me, she relies on her music for motivation, pacing and keeping her brain occupied. In a pinch I gave her my then ten year old daughter’s to use. When we met up after her leg of the race was done she shoves the ipod at me, “Justin Bieber. All of it.” Completely unplanned, but a hilarious prank nonetheless.
Practice tough-love on yourself. If you’re not performing as well as you would like, be that demanding tough love coach that lurks inside you. Instead of repeating positive mantras like “one mile at a time” or “you’ve got this” (because clearly, you don’t), motivate yourself with something more negative such as “i knew you couldn’t do this, you fat lazy bastard” or “you stupid idiot, why didn’t you train more”.

Tune in next time and we’ll discuss how sleeping in til the latest possible minute race day means you’ll be better rested and more energized than anyone else:

why sunscreen is for wimps:

(Yes, that idiot is me..)

and how getting caught up in the adrenalin at the starting line and sprinting out full speed is your best strategy for getting ahead of the crowd:

Until then, happy trails!